Below are the 18 most recent journal entries recorded in Randall's LiveJournal:

Saturday, October 23rd, 2004
8:13 pm	Hello again. Another happy work week down the drain; caught a low-grade stomach virus which kept me in bed and drinking mostly water on Wednesday and spent a few evenings helping out getting the haunted house ready for this upcoming week, monster rehersal begins this Tuesday and it's down to the wire getting everything ready. Need to finish the electric chair and putting the gate on the graveyard, there are plans to rig the upstairs bath with running bloody water but need to find a sump pump. Other than that my Halloween plans are getting a 12" seafood sub from Subway and watching the Dawn of the Dead DVD(hoping to get the unrated director's cut). What do you all plan to do on Halloween? Setting up another counseling session this week, even though I've isolated my problems to a root source I still have some thoughts of insecurity and defeat. It's hard to stay motivated when you change your lifestyle; the body adapts to one routine and fights to keep it despite making changes for the better, getting up at 5AM and beating the crap out of myself for about 90 minutes isn't a motivating factor. I have to stay on the path, it's so easy to stray from it and be tempted by so many alluring vices. While I was resting on Wednesday I watched a very influential movie on DVD called Super Size Me(I call it Fastfood 9/11)where the director went on a 30 day diet of eating nothing but super-sized meals from McDonalds three times a day, his weight increased 25 pounds along with a 8% body fat increase and suffered various problems like depression, lethargy, chest pains and some impotence. The movie also went on to discuss how Americans have become encased in a society of gluttony from fast/fried foods in school lunches to super-sized meals in most fast food places(there's even McDs in Wal-Marts and hospitals)as well as discussed the trend of those bullshit lawsuits against the fast food places. This movie wasn't endorsed by McDs(they wouldn't even talk to the movie director)and now you've all noticed that every fast food joint is including more healthy and small portioned meals along with access to nutrition values(Adult Happy Meals? Salads at Sonic? Mandarin oranges in Wendy's kid's meals?)and that super-sizing is being phased out, of course McDs claims their decisions weren't influenced by the movie but in part by the lawsuits and public demand. Why do you see every fast food coffee cup say "caution-contents are hot"? Some stupid old lady spills coffee and burns herself then sues McDs and gets one million dollar settlement, suing the evil conglomerate bastards is the way toward easy money in today's society. Time to finish laundry and let out some stress on GTA3, love you all. Current Mood: complacent Current Music: Time - ELO (1982) (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, October 14th, 2004
10:21 pm	Hello again. Another happy work week nearly done, I can feel the happy insecurities tapping on my head like evil taxicab drivers. :P Looks like my plans for the proposed stomach stapling are on indefinite hold, the powers-that-be deem the operation as risky and in drastic measure. I've been informed to continue my exercise regime, continue going to counseling since they still see me as slightly unstable and keep a log of just about everything I do from eating to exercising to plain living. I might go up to Great Lakes, IL. for some more nutritional counseling and monitor my blood pressure, all this and I have to keep a positive mentality as well. Thanks to all that have sent me suggestions on keeping up with my LJ entries, they've been very helpful and I feel better doing them. Some I owe e-mails which I'll do this weekend hoping this crappy computer will do the task. >:{ Helped out this week setting up for a rummage sale; lots of fun putting up tents and lugging tables in rainy windy weather, made a $53 profit selling a few old items which I donated for this year's haunted house and taking the tents down along with moving all the tables & tents to the haunted house. I'll be helping out there again this year, the insecure zombie roams the haunted halls once again with an inflatable spider in one hand and a cordless drill in the other. :) Going to call Citibank tomorrow to see if I can get my refund check a little earlier, their 30 day waiting period sucks. Also have to call Ebay, my account got locked out due to Ebay's anal-retentive security and them claiming some asshole is attempting to access my account. Two weeks ago some jackass company claiming to be with Ebay wanted my personal account info saying my billing info was screwed up, knew it wasn't kosher and reported it to Ebay's fraud dept. May wait a bit, need to go cold turkey on Ebay for awhile since it's digital crack. Take care all and remember: Krispy Kreme is evil. :P Current Mood: hopeful Current Music: Calling America - ELO (1986) (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, October 10th, 2004
1:38 am	I'm back (again). Thanks to xial to giving me a much needed kick in the ass to start up again, I should at least make an effort to make entries. What motivates you all to tell what's on your mind in LJ? My job and stress dealing along with my pride keep weighing me down; between staying involved with my job, counseling and stress it keeps me from saying what's on my mind and I feel like I'm cheating on you all. Part of me feels like I'm complaining about everyday life and the other part is reserved telling all, I want to be honest with you all so I'm not afraid. I've seriously considered having gastric surgery, which is commonly known as stomach stapling. Weight has been an issue for years and even though I'm making progress it's still slow and my time is very limited; I understand the consequences and that this will affect me for the rest of my life but I want to do this: for my job, my family and to you all that believe in me even when I had lost faith in myself. My counseling has restarted, at the request of my superiors. Mostly because I had a serious suicidal thought months ago, I'm fortunate I wasn't in my workplace at the time. The root of the problem is my older brother and his control-freak mentality; I allowed myself to deteriorate because of him and I hated myself for about 2 years but not anymore. With the support you all give and the people here that believe in me I feel more confident; my sister informed me that my brother now realizes he did something to make me angry at him(haven't spoken to him for 2 years and have tossed out any letters he and his double-crossing wife sends me)and he's the one worried now. In due time we'll meet and exchange words, I will remain strong and not let him influence or beguile me with his fast talk and poisonous intentions. I love my brother but he's an asshole, an arrogant one at that. What else? I'm now driving a '96 Chevy Corsica I bought back in April, good car that needs a bit of work but is solid and dependable. The '85 Mercury died last year and for 5 months drove around in a yacht-sized '87 Lincoln Town Car that was too big and bulky, that one ended up getting sold to a demolition derby driver. Heard that Lincoln got 2nd place at a local county fair demo derby. Done some changing to my diet, concentrating on veggies and resisting the snacking urges which is tough. Exercising utilizing circuit training which combines different aerobic exercises and running, slow but is progressing. Also cutting down on certain addictives like Ebay, they're getting way too anal on security and I've about had it with them. Getting a little monetary gratutity from Citibank: back in February '98 I had opened a savings account with them to help pay my credit card which had built up a small debt, I was at sea most of the time and needed to keep my credit card paid off. Years had passed and I had been so busy it slipped my mind until a few weeks ago when I noticed it on my online pay record. After many calls to track down my account I was informed my card had long been inactive(never used it after starting the account and still won't use credit cards today)and my account has a credit of around $6000. I stopped my account allotment and now have to wait until 01NOV04(30 days wait from last account deposit)before calling back to request a credit refund check. Will be useful for helping to fix the little problems on the car and the rest to save for a rainy day. I'll do better in updating my LJ, your ideas/suggestions on how to stay motivated on blogging are most welcome. Thank you all for putting up with my insecure ass. Current Mood: accomplished Current Music: Mr. Blue Sky - ELO (Out Of the Blue) 1978 (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, January 1st, 2004
10:48 am	Oh joy, 2003 in review. Hope everyone had a good New Year's, mine was quiet and uneventful. Last decent New Year's was 2000; the Y2K hype that never happened and watching crazy Japanese TV while drinking Sapporo and eating Japanese curry. How was 2003? Rough: made some progress battling my problems though the road continues, dealing with losing one car and constant maintenance on another, serious cut down on the alcohol and a major fascination to the LOTR movies even though the books have been around forever. When you've dug a hole for yourself getting out can be hard and time consuming, almost like climbing a mountain with a plastic spork. But I will preservere, the support I get is a big help. I have to stop beating myself up and worrying how others perceive me, I have to be myself and have confidence as well as initiative. I should also travel and see more of America, rural Indiana is nice but there's a lot more out there waiting for me. So look out: this crazy insecure pollack may be in your town anytime. :) Hope 2004 will be kind to you all. (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, December 31st, 2003
7:49 am	oh joy, Y2K+4 edition. Wanted to wish all of my LJ friends a safe and Happy New Year, see you all in 2004. Hope that this upcoming year will be beneficial and successful to you all. No party this New Years, I'm not even interested in watching an ageless and well preserved Dick Clark drop a shiny ball in Times Square. I may put in another entry tomorrow(have duty)so I'll sum up 2003 the best I can, the misery & depression pretty much sums up 3/4 of the year but I'm just being pessimistic. :P Be happy, love you all. (Comment on this)
Monday, December 22nd, 2003
4:35 pm	Oh joy, Xmas edition. To all my LJ friends have a Merry Xmas and a Happy New Year. Hope you all have decent Xmas plans. I'll just stay in my room watching the SNL marathon on Comedy Central and drink Vanilla Coke, no alcohol and no eggnog this season. Thanks to all of you for giving me support, not only with your confidence but with your excellent artwork and/or excellent story writing. See you all in 2004, I hope that will be a better one. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, November 27th, 2003
8:08 pm	oh, joy. Hope you've all had a Happy and/or decent Thanksgiving, mine was uneventful. Had a turkey sandwich with a box of Julienne potatoes and a quart of ice tea while watching the parade(boring as hell)and True Hollywood Story marathon on E!. Will spend the rest of the day listening to CDs of goth music & Elvis, then tomorrow back to extreme room cleaning for an inspection on Monday. Fun never ends. I've had better and worst turkey days: Worst ones are being out in the middle of the Persian Gulf having to contend with Navy tukkey day chow, it's not bad but spoils the mood. Normally use the time to catch up on sleep or read Executioner books. Most expensive one was at a Hard Rock Cafe in Yokohama, Japan; was a Friday but still turkey day in America. Damn good turkey dinner(their blue plate special)though costed about 5000 yen(about $45)which included a sundae and two beers with collectable pilsner glass. Smallest one was in San Diego, CA while attending a school; meal consisted of a turkey sub, bag of Ruffles, 2 liter of RC and 1 pint of Ben & Jerrys Coffee Heath Crunch. Was up for about 2 days watching a MST3K marathon on Comedy Central. Last one spent with family was in '86 before I joined the service. Family is pretty much gone now. Strange turkey day was spent in Roppongi, Japan; my meal was at a Mexican restaurant and my "turkey" was a shot of Wild Turkey at a small bar above a dance club. Earlier I visited the Tokyo Tower and got buzzed on Ethiopian Red Wolf coffee. The Lions won today, whoop-de-shit. :P Lincoln is starting to run better, replaced the air filter and put in a stronger car battery. Last Saturday took her in for a tune-up, replaced fuel filter and popped in a new starter. Now to give her electronic fuel injection system a once-over and then on to the brakes, upkeep for her has slightly hindered my gift shopping but I'll finish it even if Xmas has passed by. My time here is up in July 2004, thinking about going to Guam. Nice place though muggy as hell and prone to hurricanes but it has many excellent Chinese restaurants and a liquor store that sells solely Australian beers. Now I can have my General Tso's chicken, drink Tooleys and wonder what the hell is with Malfoy's shitty attitude toward Potter. :) I'll also have to find which is sexier: Alan Rickman(Prof. Snape)or Jason Issacs(Malfoy's dad), I just don't understand Potter. XP You're all in my heart and in my thoughts. And remember: Turkey Spam is an acceptable substitution. :) (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, November 1st, 2003
9:39 am	oh joy. Another duty day, all dressed up and nowhere to go but answer phone and watch college football. Got another car to replace the dead Mercury, an '87 Lincoln Town Car and this thing is a beast. Big car with a 302 V8 5.0L EFI which runs well though I'm going to get a tune-up with oil change and radiator flush; needs a lot of cleaning and a little maintenance(front brakes need changing soon but good for now), has four new tires and has 90K miles on her. Picked her up for $650, good temporary car. On Tuesday I'll pay my bill with Pep Boys and have the Mercury towed to her final resting place, little tough to let her go but that's life. Most of last week and this week was spent building and working at a haunted house which was actually the basement at medical building which dates back to when the base opened in 1941. Been a long time since I was in a haunted house and it brings back memories, mostly played as a mask wearing zombie. The organizer went all out on this and is a very impressive haunted house with such features as: long spooky hallway with blacklights, strobes, neon paint and realistic rubber rats a pneumatic pop-up ghoul in a trash can giant spider with web and lifelike victims electric chair with lights, smoke and realistic sounds maze with pop-out zombie in picture frame and many hanging realistic rubber spiders mad scientist table with many light-up skulls and lightning globes cemetary with fog machine and zombie jumping up from his grave zombie cage with breakaway wall/gate and mad scientist operating room with chainsaw wielding mad scientist Hope you all had a Happy Halloween. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, October 26th, 2003
6:49 am	oh, joy. Just when I thought my life couldn't get worse: My Mercury(AKA - Ye Old Eggbeater)has officialy died on Tuesday in a climactic display of billowing white smoke. The freeze plug thoroughly blew out and it's going to cost $825 to fix, paid $700 for the car so do the math. It's tough to part with something that's been with me for awhile but as my co-workers tell me it's all part of life, now I just need to pay the towing fee and find a salvage yard. Currently looking for another car, was offered an '87 Lincoln with new tires for $650 but needs a new radiator. I'm doing volunteer work for a haunted house project which opens on Wednesday, been working on it last week doing fun things and should be ready for its fire inspection on Monday. Actually the haunted house is the basement of the medical building(dated 1941)and it's already creepy without the hanging spiders & fiberglass stuffed coveralls with shoes & gloves representing corpses. Most noted feature is the large drop chute outside leading to an area in the basement that once served as a morgue. Still looking for my elusive self-esteem & confidence, most folks will tell you that we all must face the crossroads but for me my life is more like an interstate highway with many exits that can take me back on that road or take me to a place where there are no answers but only questions. I need to get a map. :P Back to finishing up laundry and a cup of happy coffee, need to put some Kaluha in it. (Comment on this)
Saturday, October 11th, 2003
10:40 am	oh joy. Life is still the same, monotone and depressive. You've all heard the little incident with Seigfried & Roy, it was bound to happen. Why humans try to turn wild animals into domesticated pets to perform petty tricks is beyond me, bad enough we run them out of their own living habitats and build shopping complexes over them, even worse that some inexperienced tourists or drunk hunter with an attitude will screw around with them from watching too many Disney & Hanna-Barberra cartoons. This is why I don't go to circuses anymore and feel uncomfortable in zoos, I'm cool with wildlife habitats. I'm hoping the Cubbies will win the Series, they're long overdue. Back to watch duty and drinking my watermelon/kiwi Kool-Aid, must get Chinese take-out for football games tomorrow. (Comment on this)
Saturday, September 27th, 2003
6:43 am	oh, joy. Not much has changed: migraines, misery and Fosters. Let the sun shine in, makes me want to watch late 60s Hanna-Barberra cartoons. Who's for The Banana Splits? :P Been contemplating, maybe a change of scenery would do some good for my damaged soul. The evil bastards are slowly influencing me, it's a devious Borg mind control plot. Conspiracy Theory! Note to self: don't drink Sobe before going to bed no matter how thirsty, that stuff generates the wierdest dreams from the sub-conscious. I think I have a secret fear of reptiles & amphibians, so my screwed-up sub-conscious translates. :? Time to go cash in my winning lottery ticket ($40). (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, September 14th, 2003
12:06 pm	oh, joy. The misery still plays on. Had my car worked on again, this time the exhaust pipe/muffler decided to fall off. It was due to from age and rust; went to Pep Boys and had a new exhaust pipe and muffler installed along with a new catalytic converter and new rubber boots to hold the exhaust pipe/muffler in place, all costed $127 which is reasonable. The car is quieter now and runs a little better but still sluggish on those hills. Getting a lot of info on character development, from detailed histories to personality quirks which is very helpful yet due to my work schedule and depression I'm unmotivated to develop him further than being depressed and having two female characters that utilize love to give him confidence. I feel like I'm making a porn star out of him which isn't my intention, I'm still a virgin so what do I know about lovemaking other than examples from adult artworks and my earlier viewing of porno tapes? Gotta get back to laundry, football and Pete's Wicked Summer Brew. :P (7 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, September 7th, 2003
7:36 am	oh joy. Another busy week, had to work on Saturday which happens ocassionaly. Had a chat with another person having the same confidence problems as I have, it's strange even though I feel insecure that I want to help this person and let him know we all fall down in life but we get back up and continue on. I'm more concerned about the well being of a person I hardly know than with myself, is this wrong? Another one of my problems is being overbearing, I try to help others without giving them the benefit of learning for themselves. I seem to do too much and think I can save the world by myself, this I know but still I do this which disturbs me. To quote Morpheus: there's a difference between knowing the path and walking the path. Time to put my shades on and move on before Agent Smith finds me. :) (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, September 1st, 2003
3:39 am	oh joy. Well, another summer has passed by. When Jerry Lewis Telethon comes on you know the summer has ended, stale jokes and outdated talents have introduced fall within our lives. :) Got a bit of happiness yesterday, my sister sent me an e-mail. Her birthday is today and she got my package full of Spongebob goodies, she's also very supportive to me during my depression and has informed me my control-freak totalitarian brother actually believes I'm pissed off at him though he still believes he knows what's best for me. Some things seem to never change. Football season is back, break out the Corona. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, August 30th, 2003
4:08 am	oh joy. Another week down the tubes and feeling miserable: ordinary life so far. :P What is love? That's the eternal question: so vague and yet descriptive, so general yet definitive, so deceptive and sometimes evil. At least that's how I see it, being insecure always gives the half-empty insight. Why do I say this? Because love can affect the mind and body, sometimes it makes us feel superhuman and sometimes it turns us into selfish uncaring people with twisted thoughts. It still bothers me thinking about it, even though it's about three years old. All I'll say is when a person claims to love you only to fulfill her selfish desires it can feel devastating, love can never be trusted again. One day I'll think of something positive to say, one day. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, August 27th, 2003
7:08 pm	oh joy. I'm back again, who knew? :P To those that responded to my last entry thanks very much, your support is very important to me and at times I need a little kick-start to get going again. For so long I've worried about how others would perceive me I've lost sight of myself. Why do I do this to myself? Because I'm friggin' paranoid, everyone from my selfish cynical brother to these two-faced hypocritical bastards I work for will always expect me to run my life according to their rules and will always think of me as some perverted incompetent moron to justify themselves; of course they won't say it directly to me but it's always thought of and can be read in their faces or talked about when they gather to themselves. It just angers me and keeps gnawing away inside me. Lately my mischevious subconscious has been reminding me of my faults via my dreams due to my anxieties and stress, it would be nice if we could control our dreams. Images meld of past experiences & places, people that piss me off and turning my insecurities against me since I become the world's biggest wimp in my dreams; makes no sense yet I play along since my conscious is snoozing away. I'm not going to be afraid to speak out what's on my mind, I'm always worried I'll offend or anger someone but this is LJ where we convey our thoughts to those we trust. I think in one of my dreams I've seen a personification of my interests in the subject of homosexuality and it looked like that kid with the talking magic flute from H.R. Pufnstuf, those of you who grew up during the 70s will know what I'm talking about. For those that don't: let's just say that drugs can inspire strange ideas for children's TV shows. I'll be back, you're all in my thoughts. (7 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, August 26th, 2003
10:29 pm	oh joy. I'm still here, sorry about that. Just been very busy and dealing with depression, it's not right that I should stand in the shadows and read about everyone else's lives. My life is so damn dull it's tough to make it sound interesting: I work, I relax from work and sleep with occasional side trips to my counseling sessions and exploring southern Indiana which is lots of small towns, convenience stores, Wal-Marts and antique stores. I'm still insecure about myself. I keep thinking the world is against me and, even though not told to me directly, I just know people think of me as a liability and a pervert. The incident still bugs me and it raises questions of my credibility. Sorry to be a total downer. The only benefit from all of this is further development of my fursona Randy, he's so much like me and his insecurities are similar. It seems like all I talk about is furry but I'm very interested in the lives of all my LJ friends. I know to most of you I've sent gifts; my way of saying either happy b-day, love your artwork, you're an excellent friend and thanks for putting up with my constant whining ass. :) If there's someone out there I didn't send one to please let me know. Poke me with a stick once in a while to remind me, I'll update my LJ with either small or big entries depending on life's events. Thanks to you all for being there. (10 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, November 5th, 2002
8:36 am	My First Entry. Hello. I'm new to this so please bear with me. In due time I'll open up more, once I get to know a few more people and share my interests with them. I'm looking forward to chatting with you. (6 Comments |Comment on this)